If I don't say this now I will surely break...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2007-01-04T01:12:00

2007-01-04T09:12:42Z

First day of school and work tomorrow....lame. I hope all goes well. I have to wake up early every day which is kind of lame. I guess naps in the afternoon? I don't like sleeping early, but I might have to from now on. Well, whatever happens, happens. Being old is lame.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-12-02T22:21:00

2006-12-03T06:19:54Z

I'm kind of nervous about these last two weeks of school. I can't seem to get myself to study. I'm just tired I suppose. Well, I'll try to get my act together. Can't fail now. I figure that even if I half ass my studying, I'll still get decent grades. Need to actually go to all my classes this week. Hopefully it won't be so bad. I'll find out if I got the job for the computer labs by the end of the week. I need the moneys...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-11-22T13:09:00

2006-11-22T21:09:13Z

So, I walked into a target randomly and found the PS3. Too bad I can't find a Wii. I can't even play the PS3 because its a Christmas gift for my bros. Fuck haha.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-11-14T00:05:00

2006-11-14T08:07:54Z

It's amazing seeing all the stereotypical types of people when sitting around campus listening to music and spacing out. I don't really want to go into detail, but the punker guys with hoodies and really tight jeans piss me off for no reason haha.

Another thing that's kinda annoying is these 3 asians guy in my statistics discussion. I swear, they treat the class as if it was some kind of graduate math class. They ask questions about every little thing and I swear, they understand nothing still. Then they started to give each other high fives when they figured something out. Seriously, when the hell did statistics become equal in difficulty to a class like bio to these people. I mananged to study for a couple hours the day before the midterm and still do well.

This week is lame....3 midterms. One down, which I think I did well in. Genetics is gonna be hard because of the teacher. Statistics is whatever. Seriously, that class is a joke, but it's sad that I might not get an A because I don't put effort in it. "Whatevs, man whatevs." Haha. I just want to get through this week. After this week, it'll be easy until finals week. 4 midterms in one week will not be fun. I'll do it somehow...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-11-10T00:37:00

2006-11-10T08:39:50Z

Okay, imagine this, you've got two blind folded people in the back seat and then you drop them off in the middle of nowhere as a joke. You hide in the woods so that you can watch over them and tell 'em its a joke when they freak out. The only problem is they freaking take off running before you stop them down a dark dusty road. Well, haha, that's what happened today.

Today was auction and it's a tradition to blindfold the lils and take them to eat. It ended up being one of the craziest nights I've experienced in awhile. Me and Mike and chased after Jackie and Johnny after they took off running. They freaking took off like they were in a 100 meter dash or something. We ended up finding Tiffany first who was the driver and we chased after the lils. As we pulled up next to them, my freaking twin Jackie got close to the car and that scared the hell out of me. Who gets closer to a car? You move out of the way haha. It didnt' help that Tiffany was driving too fast. So, we pick up Jackie and Johnny and head to where auction is. Tiffany barrels down this dark dusty road and takes this really tight turn going down hill. We ended up drifitng sorta, well, more like fish tailing and we go out of control I freaking grab the wheel and I look at Tiffany smiling likes shes in some kind of trance and I counter steer back and forth. We ended up hitting the dirt on the side a couple times and stopped. Thank God nothing happened. Scared the hell out of me. I was still shaking when we go to Shakey's and eating already. What a day...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-11-09T03:05:00

2006-11-09T11:07:23Z

Okay, for real this time, I've sorted things out. I'm with just sticking to how things are. I've decided to be indifferent towards girls again. I just wont care, until I find somebody good enough to change that.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-11-07T02:19:00

2006-11-07T10:17:47Z

Got the new guitar hero before it was suppose to come out...awesome! Next week is gonna suck...I have 3 midterms. Tomorrow is hell day, so I better get to sleep.

I miss ace...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-11-06T00:06:00

2006-11-06T08:08:18Z

After talking to a bunch of girls, I've decided not to do anything. That is all...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-31T01:28:00

2006-10-31T09:28:24Z

I came home today and ate my sushi that I had bought earlier. I decided to save it instead of eating it on campus. Since, when did the tables get so full? Well, anyway food coma ko'ed me for a couple hours and when I woke up I had an overwhelming feeling to tell her how I feel. I don't know what I was dreaming or thinking of, but that was the first thing on my mind. Maybe I will some day. The greater the risk the greater the reward? The greater the awkwardness too. Haha, oh well, whatever. I agree with what Jonathan told me, but I'm still holding myself back. I should take a shot or something before class starts haha jk.

Her Space Holiday - Japanese Gum

2006-10-29T03:13:35Z

I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
And with all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left
I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang

It's not like I'm a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there's nothing left to hold
Until there's nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can't save me from myself

I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read

It's not like I am weak
Or that I don't know how to leave
It's just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat

Until there's nothing left to love
Until there's nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can't save you from yourself

The future now....

2006-10-28T10:59:52Z

Everyday is the same. I get up, turn off my alarm and hopefully stay awake. Assuming I actually get up, I brush my teeth and do whatever else to get ready for the day. I put on a hat since I'm too lazy to fix my hair, I was always the get up and go kind of guy. I walk to class, listening to my filipino pop songs and "revivals" of old songs, which they always seem to make bank on as if they wrote those songs themselves. "Love this" and "love that," seems like that's the only thing these songs are about. I get to class and end up not paying attention. I never did have the best attention span. Time goes by and finally my day comes to end. I walk home wondering, "What's the point? What do I want out of life?"

My goal in life, like many people, is to graduate, get a well-paying job, find true love, and spend the rest of life happily ever after I suppose. I know what I want, but I guess the problem is the means of getting there. I still have no idea what I want to do after college. Lab work is definately not for me. I'm too impatient and careless to work with chemicals that could potentially blow up or what not. Being a doctor would take too long and I'm scared of the thought of people dying because of me. Nursing is the typical filipino way to go, but I don't know if I'd be happy with that.

I spend too much time thinking instead of doing. Let's face it, I've always been a daydreamer. I'm the type of guy who could sit outside on a nice day and just space out. Just give me my mp3 player and I'd be good for awhile. I catch myself all the time thinking about something else besides reading a book opened right in front of me. I lay down on my bed and just stare at the ceiling. I feel like I could burn a hole just staring at the ceiling for so long. That's how I am when I'm walking back and forth to school. I just stare straight ahead and look serious as some people would say. It's not that I'm always serious, it's just that I'm just deep in thought. I think a lot of how it would be nice to have somebody to be with. I've never really had a girlfriend. Maybe a couple of girls here and there that I would get close to, but nothing more than friends. I'm the guy who always ends up the good friend not the boyfriend, which I see nothing wrong in regards to it, but of course I would have wanted it to end up differently. I figure I should never start liking a friend. In the end, if I actually tell the person, it ends up turning out for the worse. Funny how one's significant other is suppose to be your best friend too.

There's this one girl I use to like in one of my previous classes. It's weird how somebody like her could be around me without me knowing. She's one of those girls that I constantly see around, but never really talked to. Just another nameless cute girl in my class. Somebody I'll never really get to know I figured. Then one day we sat next to each other. I was shy and quiet of course, but then somehow we started talking a lot. I actually talk a lot, but a person just has to get me started. I now had something to look forward to in that class, which was sitting next to that girl and talk. The class didn't even matter to me, it was as if the whole reason the class existed was for the sole benefit of me being with her. God knows that's the only reason I went to that class. It was totally a class I could skip without remorse. After class we would always walk home until it came to part our seperate ways. We would casually say "good bye" or "see ya next class." In my mind, I just wanted to say, "You're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever come to know. I wish I could tell you how much I like you. You're what I look forward to everyday we have this class. " Of course those words never come out of my mouth. I don't want to make things weird between us I figure. Besides that, she probably has somebody else she likes. I never did tell that girl how I felt. Time flew by and before I knew it, the quarter came to an end. I didn't have that class with her to look forward to anymore. I still see her every now and then, but it wasn't like it was before. I guess the point I'm getting at is what could have I done for things to end up differently. Should have I taken the chance and actually did something instead of being so coy. I guess it's a battle of regrets. Which would have I regretted more. Telling her and possibly make my friendship awkward, or not saying anything and not knowing what could have been. Who know's right? Maybe someday, somehow I'll find the words to tell her. Maybe if I still feel the same way and by some struck of luck I end up sitting next to her once again. But for now, I rather not like anybody at all. For now, the nameless cute girls in random classes are fine with me. Until, at least, I find the right one for me. But knows, maybe I missed my chance with the cute girl who sat next to me....nameless no more. I just don't know...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-25T02:19:00

2006-10-25T09:19:26Z

I finally found the answer I was looking for. What I feel is nothing. If anything I just found somebody cool to hang out with once in awhile. A friend simply put. And the search is on again.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-22T00:53:00

2006-10-22T07:55:27Z

As for today (Sunday), fuck you too genetics. Never has multiplying and adding fractions been so confusing...

I think I took too much on this quarter.
------------
Never have I lacked so much confidence in myself until now. Fuck you ochem.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-20T17:46:00

2006-10-21T00:48:18Z

I think it's a bad idea or feeling. But when you think about it, there aren't many people who fit what I would want completely. If anybody like that exists. Nobody is really that innocent. It's just a matter of what degree I can accept that diverges from my ideal.

Hot;d///

2006-10-19T04:00:32Z

I don't know how to act, I don't know what to think and I don't know what to feel. All I can do for now is go with the flow and just be me.

I lift it up to You...

Nothing deep or thought provocative....just bitching

2006-10-17T07:19:04Z

Yjrtrd yjod mre hot; O ;olr/ Ofpmy lmpe ejsy yp fp/

I feel like all I do is study these days. Why is it that I'm always behind in at least one of my classes? I guess biochem takes too much time. I'm scared that I won't do well in ochem considering I don't know what's going on in the class. It doesn't help that my teacher is a terrible teacher. Well, his tests are suppose to be easy on the bright side.

I thought I would be use to this by now. You know, the whole college life. Why do I always feel so apprehensive? I guess because nothing is ever certain. How the hell am I gonna pay for more expenses such as rent? I'm freaking broke and my parents aren't exactly rich either. I wish I could handle a job while taking my classes. I don't know how some people do it. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of lazy ass. I don't know. School takes too much time and if I want to graduate on time, I have to take 4 classes per quarter until I graduate. Scary considering how hard things are with science. On top of that, I don't even know what I want to do after college. More school? More debt? I just don't know.

It's tuesday....oh how I hate this day of the week.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-07T23:28:00

2006-10-08T06:26:37Z

School feels a lot different this year.

I see more weeks of me studying alone coming up....

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-06T23:21:00

2006-10-07T06:23:32Z

How do you begin to talk to somebody you haven't talked to in a long time?

Maybe I was just running away....

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-05T23:57:00

2006-10-06T06:59:51Z

Why did we have to live on opposite sides?

In the perfect world, there wouldn't be a glowing screen, but the glow of your face as you smile.

Our words wouldn't be read, but heard.

I'd feel the warmth of your embrace, not the cold plastic my hands rest on.

I would never feel alone, I'd always have you to go to.

But no, there isn't such a thing as perfection...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-03T23:31:00

2006-10-04T06:29:58Z

Awesome line dinner. It was a good feeling to see everybody again; like seeing family I haven't seen in a long time.

It's only first week and I'm worried about what's to come. So many things I have to study for already. Oh well, if you need me I'll be in my own little world until the end of quarter. Make me come out of it once in awhile.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-10-03T00:56:00

2006-10-03T07:55:14Z

Just finished watching Honey and Clover.

Hmm...how far can a ride my bike without looking back?

What do I have to look forward to?

For now, all I can do is keep peddling and see how far I can get.

I love that girl...I wonder how we came to be?

I wish I could take her pain away.

I'll always be her . . . ; something more, yet something less.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-09-28T15:29:00

2006-09-28T22:29:49Z

Random post...

2006-09-28T09:38:28Z

Invisible war, seems we're fighting an invisible war
Strained manoeuvres, keeping silent score
In this invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
Both wishing it was like before
In this invisible war
Talk about a fine line between love and hate
We've lost more than our direction of late
Talk about a fine line between lovers and friends
We've never been lovers and now we're not even friends
In this invisible war, seems we're waging an invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
In this invisible war
It wounded deeply the scar is here to stay
Opening up at all the little things I do and say
You always want things to be as before
So I make you angry and you bleed a little more
In this invisible war, seems that we're waging an invisible war
Every day I seem to lose you more
In this invisible war
Want to go away I still love you
Got to go away I always love you
Got to be away Time heals all wounds
INVISIBLE WAR

I heard this song on a cd I bought in the Philippines. Too bad most songs are all cover songs that they get credit for, but anyway, this song sums "us" up. Oh well, it doesn't bother me much, but I'm still thinking about it regardless. It'll never amount to how I felt about my chobo back then. I'm just glad to know I'm alot more resilient than before. I have no idea why I'm even thinking about it. Well, I guess itunes will constantly remind me through that song. In the end, it doesn't matter, but it matters enough to still be thinking about it. Yeah, I know, my thoughts are just going in circles. Life is but a dream, huh. Well, unlike Spike I'm gonna wake up and forget the past. Whatever happens, happens...

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-09-18T00:18:00

2006-09-18T07:31:05Z

Well, LJ, it's been awhile hasn't it. I haven't been in the mood to write to you in the longest time. Why am I writing now? I have no idea. Maybe because Kris mentioned it. Anyway, I guess I haven't written much since there really isn't anything worth mentioning. Yeah, I know I use to write about anything, but the today I did this and that list kinda gets old and in my eyes kind of boring. Besides, the reason I write in this journal is help my thought process figure things out and I guess I don't really want to think about things because I don't want anything to worry about. It's my escape from reality. I don't have to think about annoying things such as school and what the hell I'm going to do after. I don't have to think about what happened between us eventhough I admit it's been the farthest thing from my mind these last 3 months or so. There always seems to be a pattern when it comes to me and those relationships. Acquaintance to good friend to nothing at all. Maybe I pick the wrong people or maybe I want some much more than they can ever give me that things end up souring. If I look back I can see how I acted stupid and made some mistakes, but I felt the way I felt. Things happened the way they happened. I was half right and I was half wrong. Things were never meant to be. Patterns are meant to repeat. So, maybe the we're okay but not the greatest friends phase will set in. Either way I don't care much anymore. Whatever happens, happens; that's the way I'll always live my life.

in_lieu_of_me @ 2006-07-05T02:42:00

2006-07-05T09:53:22Z

I feel like I've neglected this livejournal for the longest time. Maybe I'd rather just not think about things and remember that there's world beyond late nights of video games, chilling with friends, and being a lazy watching tv all day. Well, it's summer, I think we all deserve it.

I spent a practically a week away from home. Went to an anime expo, which is something my big would tease me about. The expo was fun, but I can't help like me and my friends will be burning in hell after making fun of and gagging over so many people cosplaying. If you're gonna dress up like an anime character could you please look good because I don't feel like losing the rest of my eyesight...it's bad as is. All I have to say about the expo is that I'm poor and I didn't find a lot of hot looking girls. Thinking about the stuff I bought makes me think of the time my big Karen went into my room, saw my wallscroll and pretending to be a guy masturbating. That's forever burned in my mind. Seriously, it's for aesthetic purposes haha.

I'm leaving to the Philippines on 17th and I'll be back some time in August? I'm looking forward to getting out of here and going somewhere somewhat new, or rather different. It's gonna be fun...